You're Kidding, Right?
by TheBaldOneMpls
Summary: Picking up where (almost) every fanfic leaves off, Arnold decides to tell Gerald about his new relationship. Maybe a one-shot... who knows?
1. Why Not?

"You **WHAT**?????"  

This was cruel.  Arnold told him that he had a shocker for him, but this was well beyond shock.  This was a lightning strike running through his body.

"Yep" was all that his grinning friend would say.

"You… and Helga… together?"

"That's what I said."

"Helga G. Pataki?"

"Unless she's changed her name in the past few hours, yes."  Arnold seemed to be getting annoyed with the line of questioning, but Gerald persisted.

"We _are_ talking about _our_ Helga, right?"

"Right"

"The same Helga that's in our 6th grade class with us."

"The very same," replied Arnold.

"_Our_ Helga."

"Yeah… although technically, she's _my Helga now."  Arnold couldn't help but grin at the thought of his relationship.  However, it was that very same thought was about to make Gerald's head explode._

"You've _got_ to be kiddin' me, man!"

"Believe it."

"I mean… Helga G. Pataki!"

"I think I know my own girlfrend's name, Gerald."

Arnold's choice of words took Gerald aback.  "I… I don't believe what I'm hearing."

"Would I lie about something like this?"

"No… but then again, you wouldn't lie about anything!"  Gerald chuckled a bit at the thought of 'Mr. Morality' stretching the truth.  Arnold, though, wasn't laughing.

"Actually, Gerald, I have something to tell you."

"**I knew it!  **I knew you were kidding!  I mean, why would you go out with a girl like Helga?"

"That's not it…"  Arnold bent his head towards the ground, unable to watch his friend's expression from what he knew would be another huge surprise.

"What is it then?"

Arnold sighed deeply and held up three fingers.

"Three?  Three what?"

No response from Arnold.

"Three days?  Three seconds?  Three point stance?  Spill it, Arnold."

"Three months," he muttered.

"THREE MONTHS???  **THREE DAMN MONTHS!!!  How could you… I mean… THREE MONTHS???"  Gerald's brain wanted to continue this tirade, but his mouth couldn't keep up.  There was so much he wanted… no, _needed_ to know.  But while his brain was in a state of panic, the rest of his body was in a state of shock.**

Dead silence followed.  Neither could speak; Arnold was too afraid of Gerald's reaction, while Gerald was too disgusted with this new revelation.  Finally, the silence was broken.

"How come you didn't tell me till just now?  I thought we were friends."

"Gerald, you know you're still my best friend, but…

"BUT what?"

"Aw, how can I put this… I knew that your reaction would be something like this… so I wanted to make sure that this me and Helga were… that we were _for real_… before I got you all worked up.  I was… afraid of what you'd say."

"Afraid?  What for?"

"You're not gonna believe this."

"Right now, there's not a thing you could say to me that would surprise me, even if it was that you're Satan himself!"

"That reminds me…"  Arnold began to chuckle, and soon, Gerald followed suit.

With the tension now broken, Arnold felt comfortable enough to explain.  "Listen Gerald: I know how you feel about Helga.  I know that you two aren't the best of friends, and you probably won't be anytime soon.  I was afraid that if I told you sooner, you'd say something that would make me think that me and Helga was a horrible mistake."

Now it was Gerald's turn to put things delicately.  "But if you and Helga _was a mistake, why wouldn't you want me to tell you?"_

"You know that song that goes 'If loving you is wrong, then I don't wanna be right'?"

"I heard of it," Gerald quickly replied.  A second later, his mind processed what his friend had just said.  "Wait a second… you mean you actually… _love_ her?"

"I think so."

"Wow…"

"You're telling me."

"Never thought I'd see the day.  I mean, this is Helga G. Pataki we're talking about!"

"I thought we established that already," Arnold said as a smile returned to his face.

"I know, I know, but think about it… You.  And Helga G…"

Quickly, Arnold raised his hand to quiet his friend.  "Gerald, I love you like a brother, and I love the sound of my girlfriend's name.  But if you say 'Helga G. Pataki' again, I'm going to have to hurt you."

"Aw c'mon, man!  It's not _that _bad, is it?"

Arnold turned towards Gerald, looked him dead in the eye, and smiled.  "Rhonda Wellington Lloyd."

Gerald quickly blushed before retreating.  "Alright, man, you got me.  I'll stop.  I'll stop."

"C'mon, I still owe you five more!"

"Man, you don't owe me anything," said Gerald.  "Well… maybe one thing."

"And that would be…"

"You and Helga."

Arnold sighed.  "Didn't we just go over this?"

"I mean… how'd it happen?  I mean, you _are_ a guest.  If you're gonna come to my house and scare me out of my mind, the least you could do is give me the details"

Arnold quickly glanced at his watch.  "Wish I could tell 'ya, but if I don't get home in the next two minutes, I'm as good as grounded," he said as he began to make his way to the door.  "Hey man, I'll tell you tomorrow, OK?"

"Alright, Arnold.  But at least tell me this."

"Yeah?" he said, about to take his leave.

"Why her?"

Arnold stopped in his tracks and turned back to Gerald.  He thought for a second before starting for the exit.  As he opened the door, he turned to his friend and said…

"Why not?"


	2. Isn't That Enough?

OK, I've decided to turn this into a series of one-shots.  They're not gonna be in any order or have anything impact on any of the others.  The only thing that each story will have in common is that they'll all be based on what happens when Arnold and Helga tell their friends about their relationship.  Thanks for the encouragement; I really appreciate it!

"So you gonna tell me who she is or what?" Gerald asked with a sly smile.  He knew that Arnold was shy about his lovelife, but this was getting to be ridiculous.  Whereas most of his junior class would flaunt a relationship any chance they got, Arnold would always be modest whenever he got a new girlfriend.  But usually, he'd at least give Gerald her name by the end of the day.  This time, it took nearly 2 weeks to get him this close to spit it out, and from the looks of things, it could've been _another_ 2 before he'd finally crack.

"You're not gonna believe me, Gerald.  Not in a million years."

"Oh, come on, man!  Don't make me turn my room into an interrogation room!"

"All right, fine,  I'll tell you who she is…"

"About time!"

"…but you might want to sit down for this."

Gerald began to chuckle.  "Aw, c'mon!  She can't be that bad, can she?"

Arnold let out an annoyed sigh.  "Gerald, I'm serious.  You won't believe it."

"Look, whoever she is, I'm sure you two'll make a nice couple.  I mean, she's smart, right?"

"Extremely."

"And is she cute?"

"_I think so," he replied as his face began to turn red._

"See, she's a winner in my book.  I don't know what you're problem is.  I mean, it's not like you're going out with Helga or anything, right?"  Gerald immediately fell on his bed, doubled over in laughter.  The thought of his friend having any sort of interest in the freak that was Helga Pataki was too much to bear.  After a moment, he slowly returned upright and looked at his friend.

Arnold was not amused.

"Aw, Arnold… you OK, man?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath from his laughing fit.

"That wasn't funny, Gerald."

"No, it wasn't."

"Thank you."

"It was hilarious!  I mean, think about it; You and Helga!"  Arnold simply turned away from his friend and nodded.

"Arnold, man, you're not thinking about it!  You and Helga!" urged Gerald.  Arnold, in return, continued to nod.

Gerald's face suddenly grew very serious.

"You and Helga."

More nodding.

"You and Helga?"

Another nod.

"**You** and **_HELGA?!?!?!__"___**

An eerie silence fell over the room.  Arnold finally broke it…

"Yes."

Another pause between the two followed.

"No,"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"**NO!"**

"Aw, grow up, Gerald.  Is it really _that hard to believe?"_

"Yes it is!  This is HELGA we're talking about.  What could you possibly see in her?"

"I _knew I shouldn't have told you," Arnold said in disgust.  Quickly, he grabbed his backpack and made a beeline for the door._

"Wait, man!  Hold up!"  Gerald reached out to grab Arnold's shoulder, but he was brushed aside.  "Aw, c'mon!  Don't do this to me, man!"

Arnold stopped at the door, dropped his bag and turned to face Gerald.  "What?"

"I just want to know…"

"YES?"  Arnold was ready to explode.  Gerald was treading on thin ice, but he just _had_ to ask.

"Why Helga?  Why not someone like… _like anyone else?_  I mean, think about it!  Helga's a total…"  Gerald stopped there.  Or rather, Arnold stopped Gerald there.

With a left hook.

Gerald fell to one knee. He brought his hands to his face to make sure that he was indeed punched, then turned to his bedroom door to make sure that it was indeed Arnold that punched him.  And it was.  There he stood, huffing and puffing like he was either try to scare Gerald… or hold back.  After what seemed like an eternity, Arnold grabbed his backpack and started to leave.  Once again, he stopped at the doorway.  He turned around to face Gerald, who was still on his knee.

"I love her," he said.  "Isn't that enough?"

With that, Arnold left the room, slamming the door on the way out.  Another slam could be heard a few seconds later as Arnold left the house.  Gerald finally got on his feet and walked over to his bed.  He crashed onto the bed and stared into the ceiling in deep thought.  He didn't get out of bed the rest of the night.

He had a lot of thinking to do.


	3. I WAS being the optimist!

Back once again for the renegade master.  Thanks for all the reviews; they make me feel all warm and squishy inside (more so than usual, anyways).  Well, I tried to put some humor into this one (keyword: _tried), so hopefully you have a laugh and enjoy.  If not, then I know where you live…_

Well, I know which planet you're from, anyways.

Enjoy!

The smell of the lunch line was horrid.  If there was one thing that Helga had learned in high school, it was that food does not seem too appetizing when you're surrounded by hot, sweaty teens, most of which had yet to fully grasp the concept of deodorant.  The mix of body odor and chicken… well, at least you'd _hope_ it's chicken… was taking a toll on her stomach, which wasn't in great shape to begin with.  As she finally reached the front of the line, she received her hearty helping of Tuna Surprise with a fitting plop.

"I'll have what the lady's having."

"Arnold?"   She turned around to make sure she hadn't become totally insane.  Sure enough, there he stood, with that ever-present smile on his face.  "Where did you come from?"

"That out of it, huh?  I've been behind you the whole time."  A look of concern crossed his face.  "You doin' OK?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.  Just… a little nervous, that's all."

"A little?"  He could always read her like a book.  "C'mon, you can tell me.  How bad is it?"

"Well," she started as she picked up her tray and brought it to Arnold's attention.  "You remember how I felt when I found out what was actually in this stuff?"

"That bad, huh?"  There was that smile again.  "Look, everything will be OK.  What's the worst that could happen?"

"We tell them, and everyone goes into shock.  Then Harold has a heart attack, and we end up getting charged with murder."

"Wow.  That's… pretty bad."

Helga pulled her money out of her pocket and handed it to the cashier.  "See?  You never thought about the consequences, did you?"

"Why do you always have to be the pessimist?" he asked with a sly smile.

"Because you always have to be the optimist," she sniped, returning the grin.  "That's kind of our thing."

"Well, at least you're smiling now."  The two shared a quick laugh before turning towards their regular lunch table.  "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Helga responded with a heavy sigh.

And so began the longest 40-foot walk of their young lives.

It was just another day at the third table from the door.  While Harold and Sid chowing down French fries like nobody's business, Gerald was once again showing Phoebe that when it came to Chinese checkers, he was '_da_ _man.  But it all stopped when Arnold and Helga joined the table.  The time for fun and games was over.  The big question had to be asked._

"Arnold, my man," started Gerald in a very concerned tone.  "We got a test in Rodderick's today?"

"Yep," he replied with a sigh.  "And if the one you guys get is like the one we got, it's _brutal_."

"What's it cover?" Sid asked with a gulp.

"Pretty much everything we've done last couple of weeks," replied Helga.

"Even the video?" asked Harold.

Arnold and Helga looked at each other and replied in unison, "_especially the video."_

"You know what this means, honey," said Gerald with a sigh as he turned toward his girlfriend.  With a nod, Phoebe reached into her folder and pulled out several pages of US History notes which were immediately grabbed by Sid, Harold and Gerald.  Thus continued the gang's most time-honored tradition; mooching off of Phoebe's work.

"You know, I think I should start charging you guys for this."

"You know," Gerald replied, "that ain't such a bad idea.  Do you accept sugar?"

"Always," she said as she leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh, that's great!" exclaimed Harold.  "I've got tons of sugar at my house.  Just name your price."

"Harold, when I said sugar, I didn't mean actual granulated sugar."

"So… do you take brown sugar?"

Another sigh from Phoebe.  "Harold, I don't accept sugar.  When Gerald said sugar, he was talking about something else.  It was _innuendo_."

"Hmmm…  Never heard of it.  Is that like that powdered sugar that's on top of donuts?"

"Nevermind," cried an annoyed Gerald.

"You know," cooed Phoebe.  "You still haven't paid me that sugar."

"Well I think I should pay that debt in full," he replied with a smile as he once again leaned in for a kiss.

"But… but I thought you weren't accepting sugar."

The entire table stared at Harold in shocked silence… a silence which was broken when Sid smacked him in the back of the head.  Harold always seemed to have a way to spoil any romantic moment he came within 20 feet of.

"Idiot," sighed Sid.

"Man, when are you guys gonna stop pickin' on me?"

"As soon as we find something else to make fun of," said Sid.

"Yeah, speaking of which…" sighed Helga.  "Ummm, I've got something to tell you guys."

"Is it a secret?" asked Sid.

"Well… it as been for a while."

"It's not anything like Jerry Springer, is it?"

"Hell no!"

"Good.  I couldn't handle you being a guy or anything like that."

"You think I'd be thrilled?" Arnold muttered to himself.

"Well…"  Helga paused to take a deep sigh.  She felt a warm hand squeeze her own under the table, and suddenly felt a surge of confidence run through her had to the rest of her body.  The fear was gone, and all that remained was optimism.

She could get used to this.

"… I've got a boyfriend."

"Whoa ho ho!  Go Helga!" cheered Gerald.  Phoebe ran around the table to give her friend a hug, while Arnold watched on with an ear-to-ear grin on his face.

"So who is this future Mr. Pataki?" asked Sid.

"Well…"  Another of her deep sighs was met with another of his hand's comforting squeeze.  She turned to Arnold, smiled, and…

She couldn't resist.  Neither could he.

They kissed.

It was short and sweet, but it was a kiss none the less.  And it was more than enough to send everybody at the table into absolute shock.

"And you guys call me dumb!" exclaimed Harold.  "I may not know about sugar, but I know that Arnold's stupid for kissing Helga.  Her boyfriend's gonna kick your butt!"  Once again, the rest of the table stared at Harold in utter disbelief.

See what I mean about him killing the moment?

"Harold," urged Helga, "the kiss… with Arnold… I kinda thought it was self-explanatory.  Didn't you think so, Arnold?"

"It was pretty clear to me," he said with his trademark grin.

"Well I don't care what you call it, Arnold.  It was still pretty stupid."

Helga was about to explode.  "How could you…  I mean, Arnold is…  He's my…"

"Let it go, honey," urged Arnold.

"But I can't… he's just so…"

"Let it go.  At least he's not having a heart attack."

Helga shot her boyfriend a glare.  "You say that like it's a bad thing."  She burst into laughter and let herself fall into Arnold's arms.

"Man, Arnold?" said Gerald.  "I'm sorry, but that's just a weird site to see."

"Don't worry," replied Helga.  "You'll get used to it."

"Oh, so you're in it for the long haul, are 'ya?" asked Sid.

"I see us being together forever," replied Arnold with a smile.

"But we're in high school," chimed Helga, "so that translates to about 3 months."

"Three months, huh?" asked Arnold.  "I guess I still have to be the optimist."

Helga looked up and smiled.  "I thought I _was being the optimist!"_


End file.
